You Are the Wing beneath My Wing

This morning, on the way to the office I was listening a song, which I did not know the name of the song or either the singer who sing this song. But I really like the words, its touch my heart.

It has been a week when I asked my husband if he really loves me. He said " Don't you feel it, what I have done so far", I said "yes I do feel it, but I want you to say it " and I insisted him to say it, only to satisfied my hunger of that magical word. I don't understand why he was so reluctant to say that word, and I really don't get it.

He said that word when I did not ask him, he would kiss me although I did not ask him. But why I asked him, he rejected!!. Man, I don't understand you, creature!!

But inside my heart, I know that he loves me a lot. The way he treated me like a princess. I know he is the one who always support me whenever I need it. I Know that he loves me like there is no tomorrow.

I can say, that He is the wing beneath my wing, and I cant imagine this live would be, without him beside me.

I love you, honey....with all my heart.

Who am I to You

Hari ini tanpa sengaja aku browsing mengenai Lesbian Celebrity wedding, Ellen DeGeneres dan Portia De Rossi. Dengan naifnya aku mencoba mencari tahu bagaimana pasangan lesbian itu menyalurkan hasratnya, just for my curiosity. Terdamparlah aku di blog journal seorang lesbian, aku baca dan coba mengerti apa yang mereka rasakan. Bagaimana cinta pasangan sesama jenis bermulai, ketakutan yang dirasakan bersama serta makian yang diterima di blog mereka dengan kata-kata kasar.

Puisi indah terlahir oleh rasa cinta yang besar, puisi yang hadir untuk menghadirkan nafas cinta dari setiap kata-kata tersusun. Cintanya yang besar terhadap pasangan lesbian yang selalu ia rindukan di setiap desah nafasnya. Dan selalu terbersit keinginan "who am I to You, darling". Kegalauan yang timbul dari cinta yang tidak biasa.

Aku mungkin belum bisa menerima keadaan tersebut, dan menganggap hal tersebut sesuatu yang haram untuk dilakukan. Tapi siapakah aku yang bisa men"judge" orang lain atas minoritas yang mereka miliki. Tapi aku juga belum sanggup menerima jika seandainya ada orang-orang terdekat denganku, mempunyai orientasi seksual berbeda dengan kebanyakan orang.

Semoga, dan semoga happy ending untuk semua.

Photo : taken from People Magazine

Notes when I was 20

When I saw your photo, I kept telling myself how much I miss you
The days, that we kept talking without knowing
The days when we laughed together,
The days when we made fun of everything, which that was not funny at all

The days, when we did not realize that our heart getting closer and closer
The days, when your hand touched mine without said a word
The day, when you kissed me... I was shocked!!!

Oh man, I miss you so much. I wish you knew How much I want you to be mine
I wish you realized, that my heart is belong to you.
My eyes is only for you, My Smile is only because of you.

If I can change the time, I will let you know that I am yours.
Darling...please dont let me go...
Please keep me in your arms.
Put me in your shoulder, so I can lend my head to you

Darling...Please dont let me go ...
Please dont let me out of your eyes, I am afraid that I could not return
Darling...Please dont let me....

Married...Is that all!

I read my unmarried friend blogs, mostly they are talking about love whether its about disappointed, full of love or feeling about falling in love. So I did a little bit survey what married people wrote in their blogs. Mostly are about life, works, family and general stories. I hardly find they write about their feeling about love outside of their family. is it a sin? or taboo? or they were afraid to be called "cheating or unfaithful".

I have kind of similarity. But I can't lie that I miss those feeling, fall in love, the chemistry that pumps up my adrenaline. I don't have this kind of feeling anymore, but It does not mean that my love has gone,the time has changed the feeling that I have had. Its become usual... The love has transformed to different species. It become dependencies, caring, and so many thing that make me burried the neccessity of love and chemistry.

Tujuh belasan...What does it mean to us!!!

Today, I wake up a little bit early compare that I used to be on my holiday. Its pretty easy to guess...yeah..tujuh belasan.

I heard in the radio who tried to compile the meaning of 17-an from Indonesian people. By average, they said, it was our independence day and it means its competition time, party time, panjat pinang, lomba karung...I am stunning and thinking....I just don't believe it, is that all!!.
But frankly speaking that was also in my head if someone asked me what do you think about August 17 and what will you do ?

Freedom...its about freedom. But are we enjoying a freedom today?
Simple answer ....Yes!! we have a freedom to choose our own life, our own president with our new system of democracy. People tend to think that the democracy is a freedom, But do you know what is the freedom it self???

I am searching in the web, and look what I find..

"[M]an is not free unless government is limited. There's a clear cause and effect here that is as neat and predictable as a law of physics: As government expands, liberty contracts."- Ronald Reagan

George Orwell wrote about "meaningless words" that are endlessly repeated in the political arena. Words like "freedom," "democracy," and "justice," Orwell explained, have been abused so long that their original meanings have been eviscerated. In Orwell's view, political words are "often used in a consciously dishonest way." Without precise meanings behind words, politicians and elites can obscure reality and condition people to reflexively associate certain words with positive or negative perceptions. In other words, unpleasant facts can be hidden behind purposely meaningless language.

The problem is that democracy is not freedom. Democracy is simply majoritarianism, which is inherently incompatible with real freedom.

Please check out this page : http://www.antiwar.com/paul/?articleid=4737

It is an interesting page to read...
Enjoy friend!!!. Hope we know now that democracy its not all about we know so far... at least for me.

Vertical Integration_ Critical Review

Critical Review on Vertical Integration as Organization Ownership : The Fisher Body – General Motor Relatinship Revisited, By Benjamin Klein (1988)

Fisher Body mendapatkan kontrak ekslusif untuk mensupply metal body car ke Perusahaan General Motor pada tahun 1919. Pada tahun 1924, permintaan akan badan mobil yang terbuat dari logam meningkat menjadi 65% terhadap produksi mobil GM. Tetapi Fisher Body menolak untuk pindah ke lokasi yang lebih dekat ke GM yang menyebabkan “Hold UP terhada GM, sehingga menjadi salah satu alas an mengapa GM mengakuisis Fisher Body.

Di dalam artikel ini Klein mencoba memberikan penjelasan atas kritik coase yang mengatakan bahwa penjelasan Klein hanya merupakan alternative dan tidak benar. Walaupun pada dasarnya Coase setuju bahwa “Quasi Rent” akibat investasi yang sangat specisific bisa menyebabkan issue potensial untuk hold up, tetapi bukan menjadi alasan utama untuk melakukan integrasi vertical daripada menggunakan kontrak jangka panjang, karena “opportunistic behaviour biasanya telah dicek dengan efektif di pasar oleh kontrak dan reputasi yang bertransaksi. Coase juga mengatakan bahwa biaya mekanisme pasar adalah menemukan harga dan melakukan kontrak, dengan begitu integrasi vertical bukanlah solusi yang utama.

Klien menegaskan bahwa elemen yang paling penting dari biaya transaksi bukan “biaya tintanya” untuk menulis peristilah dalam kontrak seperti yang telah dikatakan oleh Coase, tetapi yang paling significant adalah biaya untuk yang tidak terantisipasi selama negosiasi kontrak dan proses negosiasi ulang.

Hanya sekedar menambah apa yang telah dikatakan oleh Klein, selain mencegah biaya-biaya yang tidak terantisipasi sebelumnya, dan kenapa pemilihan integrasi vertical seringkali menjadi pilihan bukan long term kontrak, adalah sifat dari kontrak tersebut yang sangat rigid atau kaku seringkali suatu perusahaan sulit melakukan suatu tindakan yang tepat untuk mengadaptasi perubahan situasi yang terjadi di lingkungan perusahaan tersebut. Disamping tentunya faktor-faktor lain yang bisa mempengaruhi keputusan perusahaan untuk melakukan vertical integrasi atau LT kontrak antara lain gain power di dalam industri mereka, mengamankan supply mereka ( dalam hal ini adalah body metal) yang memang tidak mudah didapat di spot market.

Go Back

Today someone asked
If I would like to be able to go back
And change all the things that had gone wrong in my Life
And although at first
The idea seemed rather appealing
I quickly realized
That the good and the bad are so intertwined
That I couldn't change part
Without changing the whole

REKSADANA....HOW??

I just dont know why this idea suddenly hit my thought when I met with the girl in the bank this morning. I asked her to explain a little bit and the procedures if I want to put my money into Reksadana, and ask her opinion more about it. Well its seem to me that she did not really understand or well trained for this kind of information.

So I decided to surf a little bit and find out more information in the internet. I learn that its not too soon or too late to start with this type of investment. Although I need more knowledge before I decide to start invest my money to this way. Its really new for me, not in theory but in practice.


Self evaluation should be started to recognize what type of person I am, Am I the risk taker or risk averser?. The answer will help me to identify what package I would like to invest, package that give high return or low risk?. One rule thumb that should always keep in your mind that high return will always be accompanied by high risk.

Another rule of thumb that You should remember that "never put eggs into one basket" or in other way said that you must diversify your risk. Urrggg how come its so complicated and too much?...

Choice for limited resource....economy....blink..blink...blink....

Fuel Price Increase!!!

Government just announced new price for fuel on last Friday around 9 PM. I left my office around 5 pm and decided that I would filled my tank full although I just filled about two days before. Well, the difference may be not so much, but hey... I am an accountant , and I am an economist (I could not say that actually ;-) ), so I went to the fuel station and filled my tank full.

Luckily the fuel station was not full and I still could enjoy and not in the long line...if I went there an hour after, pretty sure that fuel station would be fulled with people who want to fill their tank also.

That was not the morale of this story of course, but I want to say, I don't believe how come Government decided to increase the fuel price with this current condition, do they calculate the multiplier effect for this decision?. I am sure they do, but I am pretty sure they don't care for damp pooor people who will get the direct impact of this increase. I just don't believe...and I am sad.

I arrived at home, stretching a little bit to give my body recover after one a half hour in the street and driving alone. I opened my notebook and start opening excel, and recalculate everything for my spending, I feel a little bit relief that I still can afford driving my car to the office and just need a little adjustment. I am lucky...Thanks God.

But I just cannot imagine for people who get paid within UMR, can they still afford to buy food? paying school fee for their kid, and for basic thing??... God, Could You please give them strength more than before to face this life that getting harder and harder.....Amin....

You Are My Treasure

Dear Love,..

Some days seem so filled and so busy

We seem to need more hours in the day

To get it all done

People who mean the most to us

Don’t get a phone call, a card or a visit

That would mean so very much

They aren’t told how very precious they are to us

And they aren't aware Of

just how often they are in our daily thoughts

I don’t want another day to pass

Without telling you how very much I appreciate you

And all that you do And that

I admire and respect you in so many ways.

I never want you to think that I take you for granted.

I love you each day,

Even when I don’t take the time to tell you.

Afraid for Uncertainty

I read "La Tahzan" which mean dont be sad a few days ago. There is a sentence that still stick in my head until today, and I keep going repeat this sentence again and again. It said, do not be afraid for future that uncontrollabe, just keep doing the best for today. I really love this phrase, easy to read but I am not sure that I am fully understand and agree what this author said.

Of course I am afraid for something in the future that I can't control, I am afraid that what I have been done so far its enough to give me a peace life in the future. I am afraid that I will not have any income in the future and should depend on someone, even this someone is my own husband... I am afraid...and yes I am really afraid.

I am afraid that I cannot give the best for my son, I am afraid that my son will not love me anymore when finally he meet with the girl that he loves so much, I am afraid that my parents will leave me alone in this ugly world... I am afraid...I am so afraid.

When this feeling hit my head, and give me a stress of thinking this kind of uncertainty, I am back to the book...and trying hard, and thinking what I should do today...just do the best thing I can, and leave all this worried things behind me...

I can't answer that...but just do it...and follow my heart ...

Earn Trust

I learn something today, that make me remember an old phrase, that trust can't be bought, only can be earned. I am kind of person who quite difficult on trusting people, but I have given my trust, I will blindly trust them and believe in no matter what. I know that this is not quitely right, that thou should never trust someone 100%, or you will lost the trust on them 100%.

Well, I got the lesson, which make me believe the last sentense. I should never trust 100%, and when the distrust come to you, its a pain that you will know that you dont want it again ever...even only once.

My Son goes to College

I had class on last Saturday, but no one at home who could company my son. So I decided taking him to attended my class, its an assistency class for linear programming.
I provided him with my new eee pc Asus that I just bought on Thursday. He was so occupied with new games and Tux paint. Tux paint is a software for painting. Just like a paint software under windows, but this is a linux version.

He was ok at my class, just did a minor distracted of my attention. When he bored with his little game, he would come to see me and asked me some questions. He is a sweet little boy. Everybody who see him will instantly recognize that he is my son, my cloning in a boy version.

We spent a day together, I am trying all my best to give more attention while I can not do it everyday. But life is full of choice and priority...He still become my priority in anyway...now and in the future.

Pusing Bo

Pusing seribu keliling mikiran tema apa yang harus diambil untuk thesis, duh ...
makin lama makin streesss karena ngak tau apa yang harus dikerjakan.
Nanya sana sini udah, cari-cari ide udah tapi kok satupun ngak ada yang sreg..
Puuuuuusssssiiiiiinnnnngggggggggg